Bribery, kickbacks and stealing, oh my! Have you read all the instructions in the IRS code this year? Of course you haven’t. Scott G hasn’t, either, but he found some interesting items about reporting illegal income.
At first, I thought I was reading a spoof site. The work of a clever prankster. A wonderful bit of satire from the clever folks whose work appears in Funny Times magazine or online at The Onion and the Borowitz Report.
But no. This stuff is apparently on the official Internal Revenue Service site. It’s all in Publication 17, if you’re interested.
There, sandwiched between brief sections dealing with “Alimony” and “Campaign Contributions” is this little gem:
Bribes. If you receive a bribe, include it in your income.
I’m not positive, but I believe this is otherwise known as either “the Congress clause” or the “Radio Broadcasting Incentive.”
Assuming your occupation involves activities that are, shall we say, outside the norm, you will find this helpful advice:
Illegal income. Illegal income, such as money from dealing illegal drugs, must be included in your income on Form 1040, line 21, or on Schedule C or Schedule C-EZ (Form 1040) if from your self-employment activity.
I find it interesting that the same reporting methods also apply to:
Kickbacks. You must include kickbacks, side commissions, push money, or similar payments you receive in your income on Form 1040, line 21, or on Schedule C or Schedule C-EZ (Form 1040), if from your self-employment activity.
Please note: I am not making any of this up. These are the full and complete listings from the IRS site.
I don’t mean to belabor this subject, but there is one more section that is so beautifully worded it seems like it is the result of whoever writes the dialogue for Chief Wiggum on “The Simpsons.”
Stolen property. If you steal property, you must report its fair market value in your income in the year you steal it unless in the same year, you return it to its rightful owner.
Who says the government lacks a sense of humor? The only thing they’re missing is a box to check in case you’d like to exercise your Fifth Amendment rights. These IRS instructions are worthy of the brilliant work on The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, or the lunatic diatribes on Fox News and Rush Limbaugh.
If you would like to read the IRS advice for yourself, here’s the link:
http://www.irs.gov/publications/p17/ch12.html
On a Mac, the text is apparent right away; on the PCs I’ve tried, you must scroll down (and down and down) to reach the text.
[tags]reporting illegal income, tax return oddities, Scott G the Gman, articles about tax time, Ideas on Ice column[/tags]
