Scott G talks with the OTHER Dr. Kevorkian and learns a few things about death, grieving and the loss of productivity due to death and grieving. Meet Kriss Kevorkian, former deputy coroner and current Co-Chair of the Los Angeles County Bar Association Bioethics Committee.
Kriss Kevorkian, MSW and Ph.D., is proud of her name as well as her titles and isn’t overly bothered by the fact that when most people hear any phrase with the term “Dr. Kevorkian,” they think of someone with a bit more notoriety.
As she is head of the Center for Conscious Dying and Grieving, it is true that this Dr. Kevorkian’s interests overlap to a certain extent with Dr. Jack Kevorkian’s. She was a hospice medical social worker providing emotional support and counseling to the dying and the bereaved, whereas he was providing an end-of-life service that was, shall we say, highly controversial.
Drawing on more than a decade of experience in end-of-life care, Kriss Kevorkian is currently Chair of the Los Angeles County Bar Association Death and Dying Subcommittee, an Adjunct Professor at Antioch University in Los Angeles, Co-Chair of the L.A. County Bar Association Bioethics Committee, and on the Board of Directors of the Southern California Chapter of the Association for Death Education and Counseling.
Scott G: What made you interested in this profession?
K: I realized a few years ago that I spent my life helping my grandfather cope with the grief he felt from losing family during the Armenian Genocide, and later losing the love of his life, my grandmother, who died before I was born.
G: So your work is a continuation of your life, in a way?
K: Yes.
G: Do people ask if you’re related to Dr. Jack Kevorkian?
K: They ask that all the time! Others might come up to me and tell me what a horrible name I’ve got. But I am extremely proud of my name, especially being associated with such a great man.
G: You were a deputy coroner, is that right?
K: Yes.
G: Involved with autopsies?
K: Yes.
G: Anything like what they show in popular crime dramas on television?
K: Well, we didn’t have a Hummer or fancy equipment at all, but our pathologist was amazing and a great teacher.
G: Okay. Today, we’re going to focus on an aspect of death and grieving that concerns businesspeople: loss of productivity in the workplace. What happens when an employee is coping with a death in the family?
K: While dying and death will happen to all of us at some point, we still find ourselves denying it as best we can. It is a universal problem, and yet we still continue to “push” ourselves through the grieving process. Why? Why can’t we take the time to really grieve our losses?
G: I’ll ask. Why do we not take an adequate amount of time?
K: People don’t consider the true length of time needed for grieving, and businesses don’t react accordingly. In a man-on-the-street survey conducted a while back, people were asked how long grief lasts. The average time for people to grieve was, according to this study, 48 hours to two weeks! Can you possibly imagine that you will grieve the loss of a loved one in that short a period of time?
G: This is in the U.S., right?
K: Right. We are taught to cope with grief by the adults around us when we are young. Most responses to are, “get over it” or “you’ll feel better when you get back to work/school” or the worst one, “your loved one is in a better place.” When I’m grieving the loss of a loved one, the only better place for that person to be is alive and next to me. My point is that we’re falsely instructed as to the time period for dealing with this type of loss.
G: Different people take different amounts of time.
K: They do, and it seems to me that businesses should take that into account instead of demanding that people just “get over it” and go back to work. Grief never ends, we just learn better ways to cope with it.
G: And you think a more understanding approach would be better for business as well as better for individuals?
K: Absolutely. Think about how preoccupied you would be after losing a loved one. Life has just been altered and yet you’re supposed to suppress all your feelings, just bottle them up good and tight. I guarantee that those feelings will let loose at some point and cause more harm than good to you and the company you work for. Better to take time off after the loss and begin the grieving process because all that bottled up grief will find a way out, most likely through a physical ailment which will then cause you to take a lot of time off work!
G: Well, aren’t some people better if they return to work?
K: Yes, that’s true. There are some people who may feel better working on a task. These people are referred to as “instrumental grievers” which means that they are more prone to reacting to their grief by doing. Contrary to the “instrumental griever” is the “intuitive griever” who will respond to grief with strong emotions. These are the people who allow themselves to cry and express their emotions. There are people who alternate between the two.
G: It sounds like there are no hard-and-fast rules for businesses to follow.
K: Businesses would do well to realize that the more they support an employee in grief, the more satisfied that employee will be and will want to stay at work and at least attempt to get some work done, rather than feeling as though no one cares.
G: And without this realization, what happens?
K: Businesses lose money with lowered productivity, increased errors, errors of omission, and workplace accidents.
G: Are there any estimates of how much money is lost in U.S. business?
K: The research I’ve read indicates that companies may lose up to $75 billion annually.
G: That seems like an awfully high estimate.
K: I know. But even if there are no universally recognized studies on this point, everyone can agree that a grieving employee is a less productive employee, and my point is that we need better ways of dealing with this painful situation. Remember, there are many reasons for grieving. Grief is the reaction to loss, but it is not exclusively associated with the death of a loved one. An employee may be grieving the loss of a marriage, or a dear friend who has moved away, or a parent who has a terminal illness, or the fact that the employee is the caregiver to a dying loved one.
G: You have written and spoken about how people go through changing roles.
K: When we’re faced with a loss of some kind, all our roles change. Imagine caring for a dying parent. The “child” is now in the role of “parent” taking responsibility as the caregiver. This in itself is devastating for many people who are not ready to accept this new role. When you add the “employee” role and “caregiver” role, the sum will be a disaster unless the employee receives compassion and support from his/her employer.
G: And it happens with spouses and children.
K: Yes. How do parents manage when a child is seriously ill and that parent has to go to work and be productive somehow suppressing all their emotions in order to support the company.
G: The message from employers is often like the message from society.
K: In our society we tell people not to “cope” with the loss, but to “get over it!” We are told to get back to work because: 1) we have to get back to work, and 2) work will take our mind off our grief.
G: This seems to work, doesn’t it?
K: What those who study grief have learned is that in our race to deny grief, we pick up habits considered to be unhealthy coping methods such as an increased intake of alcoholic beverages, using illegal substances, increased anger and physical aggression. We do feel. And try as we may to deny the pain and sorrow of our grief, it remains. The more we deny and suppress our grief, the more likely it is that our grief will manifest into a physical health issue thus increasing the amount of employee absenteeism.
G: Is any research being done on that?
K: Dr. Jane Dutton, a professor of organizational behavior at the University of Michigan, has been researching “Organizational Compassion.” She recently co-conducted a two-year study on the topic. Her findings included that “grieving workers are buoyed when company leaders respond to their basic needs. Gestures of comfort can be simple, such as bringing dinner to an employee’s home after a funeral.” Dr. Dutton’s interest in this topic is personal and she gave me permission to share this quote. Dr. Dutton is a member of Compassion Lab (http://www.compassionlab.com) a group whose goals I support.
G: Don’t some companies employ grief counselors or make such services available to employees?
K: Many companies have an Employee Assistance Program that in most cases offers individual counseling and referrals. I would recommend that people in grief see a counselor who is certified in thanatology through the Association for Death Education and Counseling (http://www.adec.org) which is one of the oldest interdisciplinary organizations in the field of dying, death and bereavement. ADEC offers numerous educational opportunities through its annual conference, courses and workshops, and its certification program.
G: Some business people will be reading this only for the bottom line reasons.
K: It’s more cost effective for businesses to understand grief and create programs to support employees. Some businesses have found that by being compassionate, they have greater employee loyalty and productivity. These companies created programs to support employees in crisis, including peer counseling or mentoring programs where employees facing similar crises are paired to support one another.
G: What is your reaction to those “our condolences” cards that get circulated around the office that sort of nag people into writing “so sorry to learn of your loss” and “our prayers are with you,” etc. etc.
K: I think that condolence cards are nice. They show that people care. Of course, it depends on what people write. There are lists of what people should and should not say or write for someone who has just experienced the loss of a loved one. Most people end up saying or writing what they should not. For instance, one phrase that is commonly used, and shouldn’t be, is “He’s in a better place now.” We can never really know how the family is coping with the loss, or how the person died and how that relationship ended so it’s always best to write or say something simple such as, “I’m sorry for your loss.”
G: Are healthier approaches to death and grieving likely in the near future?
K: California’s Appropriations Committee is currently reviewing Senate Bill 549 (Corbett) an employee’s right to bereavement leave. Existing law provides employees with the right to take time off work without discharge or discrimination for a number of reasons. This bill would add the right to inquire about, request, and take time off for bereavement leave. I faxed letters to all the members of the Appropriations Committee stating my support for this bill.
G: Do you see things getting better?
K: As technology continues to grow, we must continue to remind ourselves that we are not machines. We are simply human. Unlike our machines, we feel.
G: You seem to acknowledge the pluses and minuses you see in the world, but your overall view of death isn’t clear to me.
K: I think Mel Brooks says it best. “If Shaw and Einstein couldn’t beat death, what chance have I got? Practically none.”
G: Not to make a bad pun, but any last words?
K: Dying and death are universal. It will happen to you. While you’re alive, healthy, and have a happy family, be kind to those who are grieving and provide support as though you were the one with the loss.
Visit http://www.drkrisskevorkian.com for more information.
Opening Door painting by Julie Prazich.
[tags]Kriss Kevorkian interview, the other Doctor Kevorkian, grief and the workplace, Scott G, business productivity news[/tags]
