With a deficit of intellect and a surfeit of bile, Rick Santorum is scrambling to find enough numbskulls to bankroll another failed run for the presidential nomination of the American Taliban Party. If it weren’t for the entertainment value of his snide and sniggering superciliousness, Santorum’s main qualification would be that he’s a killjoy.
When the conversation turns to disgusting political candidates, Republicans naturally top the list. Good and bad people are found in all other parties (among Democrats, the name Rod Blagojevich comes to mind), but as a matter of structure and standards there are no good people in the Republican Party.
The truth of that conclusion stems from the basic goals of the GOP, including their homophobia, misogyny, xenophobia, plutocracy, theocracy, war mongering, and all manner of inequality from race to voting to finance. If you align yourself with a party that is anti-women, anti-students, anti-children, anti-education, anti-veterans, anti-poor, anti-ill, anti-elderly, anti-non-whites, and anti-non-Christians, you are slime. You are scum. You are human detritus.
So, speaking of slimy Republican candidates, here comes Rick Santorum, a man who takes scummy to new heights of depths.
At one point earlier this year I was able to speak with a couple of for-hire political operatives who speculated about Santorum’s campaign for the presidential nomination of the American Taliban Party, otherwise known as the GOP. The two of them had hoped to be hired to work on that doomed cause but apparently they didn’t get the gig because the two guys now have nothing good to say about Righteously Ridiculous Rick (R3), as they sometimes refer to him.
“Hey, we also call him RSBS,” one of them told me.
“And don’t forget how well he fits the wonderful summary of GOP candidates from Mark Twain,” the other one said.
The relevant quote is: “As for the contents of his skull, they could have changed place with the contents of a pie, and nobody would have been the worse off for it but the pie.”
Professionalism of a Sort
In the speeches and position papers of Rick Santorum, a distorted portrait emerges, one that defines the man as:
– disdainful of humanity
– empty of empathy
– horrified by the human body
– repulsed by intimacy
– bereft of compassion
– insistent about precise conformity
– a worrywart in matters of triviality
– excessively concerned about others’ propriety
– sanctimonious
– self-righteous
– condescending
This is a person who is a pedant, a prude, and a busybody. In other words, Rick Santorum is a professional prig.
Everybody’s Good at Something
Having been educated far beyond his ability to reason, Santorum is little more than an unfunny buffoon. It is embarrassing to watch as he devotes his mind to an intricate series of minutia. If one were to peruse his college transcripts, he undoubtedly received high marks in such courses as “How Many Imaginary Angels Can Dance on a Pinhead 101” and “Hypocritical Religiosity 301.”
Oddball Ideas
There’s never a lack of evidence that Republicans are mentally deficient — look at the economic straits of every state under GOP control. But in ways that are personally hateful and harmful, Rick Santorum is more of a doofus than anyone else in the GOP. Well, besides Ben Carson, Donald Trump, Rick Perry, Louie Gohmert, Joni Ernst, Steve King, James Inhofe, Mitch McConnell, John Boehner, John McCain, Mike Enzi, Marco Rubio, Lindsey Graham, Ted Cruz, Rand Paul, Darrell Issa, Tom Cotton, Kelly Ayotte, Kevin McCarthy, Steve Scalise, Dana Rohrabacher, Trey Gowdy, Joe Barton, Blake Farenthold, Paul Ryan…
Idiocy from Ricky:
* Santorum believes contraception is morally wrong
* Santorum denounced President Obama as a “snob” for wanting people to go to college
* Santorum inexplicably railed against John F. Kennedy for his classic speech on separation of church and state
* Santorum displayed one aspect of GOP racism when he said he didn’t want to “make black people’s lives better by giving them somebody else’s money.”
* Santorum revealed ignorance combined with prejudice when he compared homosexuality with what he called “man on child” and “man on dog” sexual relations.
* In attempting to explain why he opposed same-sex marriage, Santorum equated marriage equality with polygamy: “So, everybody has the right to be happy?” he said. “So, if you’re not happy unless you’re married to five other people, is that OK?”
* Santorum wants to repeal regulations that help protect people from some rapacious actions in the financial services industry and has condemned aspects of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau
* Santorum has attacked worker protections provided by the National Labor Relations Board
* Santorum wants to let corporations contaminate your water and pollute the air you and your children breath
* Santorum wants to further decrease the already-low tax rates for the wealthy
* Santorum believes that Lucifer is working with people to attack what he calls “conservative values” (few people outside the novel “Area Code 666” feel this way)
* Santorum wants to defile the U.S. practice of the separation of church and state
What Does “Santorum” Mean?
If you perform an Internet search on Rick Santorum’s last name, you get a surprising definition. A fitting definition, true enough, and one that amuses educated people while appalling republitards.
But the name “Santorum” shouldn’t just be conflated with lube and fecal matter; instead, think of his name as meaning something like “The American Al Qaeda is Here!” or “GOP Anti-Americanism Rules!” or “Watch Out for GOP Douchebags!” or “GOP Sharia Law Now!” or the like.
Americans Get What They Deserve
When running campaigns in gerrymandered districts and moron-majority states, Santorum and other Republicans can openly court their base of racists and Christian cult members. But in a nationwide contest, they not only have to appeal to the racists and religiosity freaks but also gather in the entire Stupid Party of war mongers and greedwhores.
The GOP must somehow accomplish all that while not alarming too many voters who are sentient, kind and compassionate — which means Republicans can only be elected when decent people stay home.
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This opinion piece is Copr. © 2015 by John Scott G and originally published on eNewsChannels.com – a publication of Neotrope® – all commercial and reprint rights reserved. Some elements use satire to make a point, and not all references to anonymous people or fictional characters should be assumed to be based on fact. Illustrations by and © JSG. Opinions expressed are solely those of the author.
Read more from JSG at: https://enewschannels.com/author/scott-g-the-g-man/ .
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