Patriots in Name Only

Freedom comes at a price. People in the USA have the right to be stupid, just as the rest of us have the right to mock them or shun them. But when they form into a know-nothing, obfuscating, and obstructionist political party, the true cost of freedom begins to be experienced.

There are millions of people who are fiercely dedicated to the downfall of the United States of America and they are living among us. Operating in full view of their families, friends, neighbors, and coworkers, this cabal works every day to destroy the basic values upon which this country was founded. They are called conservatives and — to the everlasting shame of a nation — they are legion.

The size of America’s conservatism problem can be easily seen from one glance at the number of regressives, that is to say reactionaries, that is to say Republicans, in the Senate and House of Representatives. Perhaps an even more frightening statistic comes from most recent US presidential election in which sixty million of conservatism’s moron minions voted for a tax-cheating pathological liar. (Yes, of course the racism of conservatives had something to do with the vote totals, but the prejudices of an old white people’s party are by now so well-known as to be often taken for granted.)

The cells of conservatism have their own political party (GOP), their own television network (Fox “News”), their own radio networks (Excrement in Broadcasting is but one), and their own Bund Leaders (too numerous to fully list although some of the more notable current names are Rand Paul, Ted Cruz, Paul Ryan, Jeb Bush, Scott Walker, Chris Christie, Marco Rubio, Mike Huckabee, Rick Santorum, Mitch McConnell, Eric Cantor, and Rick Perry — and the sorrowful inventory goes on ad infinitum, ad nauseam).

Naturally, the conservative sect also has peculiar sources of funding, ranging from mental defective greedwhores such as Sheldon Adelson and Foster Friess to mental defective greedwhore raving kooks like the Koch brothers and the DeVos family.

What’s alarming about the conglomeration of detritus that comprises the conservative movement is not simply that they are anti-American but that they are so incessantly anti-American in so many different ways. Consider:

Conservatives vs. Humanity

Do you and your family like corporations polluting the air you breathe and the water you drink? If you look at GOP votes against regulation, it is apparent that conservatives do want this (or they are too stupid to notice that this is what their policies would produce).

How do you feel about corporations and multi-millionaires evading payment of their fair share of taxes — are you in favor of that? It’s absolutely fine according to votes by the conservative GOP and their most recent robotic and morally-bereft presidential candidate.

Do you care that portions of the world are becoming uninhabitable due to human-caused environmental damage? Assessing conservative votes on this issue reveals that they care not one bit. What is their reaction to the proven and demonstrable deleterious affects of climate change? “I’m not a scientist,” say the republican “leaders” when asked about the topic. Well, duh. You’re also not a sentient being.

Conservatives vs. Decency

Such is the sorry situation among low-data Republicans that inanity, deception and demagoguery are apparently considered attributes in GOP candidates rather than character flaws. Conservatives continually seek to elect crypto-Fascists and this is embarrassing for America. Yes, they bristle at the use of that term but their policies attack the progressive idea of government serving the people by being a check on industry; conservatives desire the elevation of business over government and they seek elected office in order to bring this about, which is a conflation of business and government — very nearly the core definition of Fascism. It is sickening that such dubious characters represent any part of our country.

Conservatives vs. Seniors

Conservatives repeatedly seek to cut funding for employment services, meals, and housing for senior citizens. The syphilitic ant farm that is the Republican Party actually has the gall to state that it is proud to have voted to lower taxes on billionaires and millionaires at the expense of Americans who are forced to rely on Medicare, Medicaid, and the Affordable Care Act. The antediluvian Republicans have threatened a number of times to gut Medicare and ruin it by turning it into a voucher system that would extract thousands of dollars from seniors’ bank accounts every year.

Conservatives vs. Equality

The conservatives’ love of inequality comes in many forms. There’s income inequality, in which the current capitalistic system has been rigged to ensure that the bulk of funding flows towards those who already possess the greatest share of the nation’s wealth. And the ongoing conservative battle against fair taxation stacks the deck still further against the majority of US citizens.

There’s also racial inequality. My-oh-my how conservatives love racial inequality. Speech after speech features Republican “dog whistle” phrases, chock full of terms designed to trigger a knee-jerk reaction in the cretinous slack-jawed yokel members of the GOP’s vast moron base. As one of the Republican’s most outspoken jerks put it recently, “We have got this tailspin of culture, in our inner cities in particular, of men not working and just generations of men not even thinking about working or learning the value and the culture of work.” That his disgusting race-baiting sentence could be turned on its ear by substituting “the House of Representatives” in place of “our inner cities” never enters what Paul Ryan laughingly calls his mind.

Kentucky senator Rand Paul is on the record numerous times stating his opposition to the Civil Rights Act of 1964, specifically the Act’s ban on whites-only lunch counters. This is the same little racist asshole whose co-author and social media director was one Jack Hunter, A.K.A. the “Southern Avenger,” a John Wilkes Booth worshiper and a member of the League of the South, a revolting conglomeration of rednecks, rubes and racists with a stated goal of “a free and independent Southern republic.”

In state after state, conservatives seek to restrict access to voting by a variety of methods — purging voting registration lists, closing polling places, instituting unnecessary and arcane rules for voter I.D., shortening polling hours, curtailing early voting, and on and on. “We’re not trying to prevent minorities from voting,” said one Republican thug, “we’re trying to prevent minorities from voting Democratic.” Gotta love it when honesty comes spilling out of their pie-holes, even by accident.

Additionally, the conservatives have repeatedly blocked legislation against discrimination in many forms — and there is certainly no need to remind you of their abhorrence of rights for LGBT citizens.

Conservatives vs. Communication

Six giant conservative corporations own the vast majority of media outlets in America. 1) News Corp. owns Fox “News,” the Wall Street Journal, and the New York Post. 2) GE owns Comcast and the NBC network. 3) Disney owns ABC and ESPN. 4) Viacom owns 150+ networks reaching 500+ million people worldwide. 5) Time Warner owns CNN. 6) CBS owns Showtime, 29 television stations and 130 radio stations.

While there may be an example somewhere of a corporation acting in the public interest, for the most part corporations are not progressive; they’re not even liberal; and they’re not concerned with humanity, truth, justice, or the public interest. They’re solely concerned — as are all Republican businesspeople — with their own bottom line. Conservatives always put money ahead of morality, profits ahead of people, and greed ahead of the greater good of the country.

Conservatives vs. Healthcare

As this is being written, conservative GOP governors or the conservative legislatures of “brain-dead red states” are denying 5,000,000 Americans healthcare coverage by not expanding Medicaid. It is estimated that this will result in 6,000 deaths in the first year alone. That will mean 6,000 GOP-caused funerals. That will mean 6,000 families bearing the loss of a loved one because of a governor who is nothing more than a rightwing nutjob douchebag (RWNJDB).

Prevarication-loving Paul Ryan (better known as Lyin’ Ryan) and his fellow House Republicans voted to kill the Affordable Care Act time and time (and time) again at great cost to taxpayers. Their treachery means conservatives are voting to end healthcare coverage for the 7.1 million people who now have health coverage via the exchanges; it means conservatives are voting to end healthcare coverage for the 3.1 million young people covered under Obamacare’s extension of their parents’ plans; and it means conservatives are voting to end healthcare for the 3 million Americans whose coverage resulted from the ACA’s Medicaid expansion in states run by decent people.

Conservatives vs. Women and Children

From troglodytes like Todd Aiken discussing “legitimate rape” to human turds like Mike Huckabee saying women cannot “control their libidos,” the conservative coalition evidences a profound hatred of women. Conservatives want to reduce women’s access to healthcare. Conservatives want to make it easier for the murder of doctors at women’s health clinics. Conservatives want to cut funding from preschool programs. Conservatives want to cut nearly one billion dollars’ worth of food and other aid to low-income women, mothers, children, babies, and even the unborn.

Additionally, the conservative clowns are not in favor of gender pay equity. This prompted an observation from Democrat Nancy Pelosi, the House minority leader: “The promise of equal pay for equal work should not be a partisan issue,” Pelosi noted. “It should be a matter of common sense and fairness, an essential step for the security of our families, the growth of our economy, and the strength of our middle class. Unfortunately, Senate Republicans disagree.”

Conservatives vs. Veterans

Conservatives had their GOP puppets vote down the Wounded Veteran Job Security Act, the Veterans Retraining Act, the Homeless Veterans Reintegration Program Reauthorization, Disabled Veterans Home Improvement and Structural Alteration Grant Increase Act, Veterans Business Center Act, Comprehensive Veterans Health and Benefits and Military Retirement Pay Restoration Act of 2014 — and the litany of Republican perfidy goes on.

Remember, too, that the Republicans led us into spending five trillion dollars ($5,000,000,000,000!) in two unjustifiable and unfunded wars but blocked Senator Bernie Sanders’ twenty-one billion dollar veterans’ aid package because of — get this — the cost of the program! Now, of course, Republicans are shrieking about the Veterans Affairs healthcare system being overwhelmed and overloaded. Hypocrisy much?

Conservatives vs. Embassy Security

Conservatives had their GOP House members cut the Obama administration’s request for embassy security funding by $128 million in fiscal 2011. Then they did it again in fiscal 2012, that time cutting $331 million. And now they keep screaming “Benghazi” over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over without owning up to (or apparently even realizing) the responsibility they bear for the four deaths in our outpost.

Conservatives vs. Facts

Conservatives are anti-science, repeatedly denying information about medical breakthroughs, pollution, food additives, the age of the earth, the size of the cosmos, and on and on. The aforementioned offal-in-human-form Mike Huckabee has a firm that distributes “educational” materials that spread such lies as “dinosaurs and humans lived together,” apparently believing that something like the Raquel Welch film “One Million Years B.C.” was accurate in everything except its title. (Ms. Welch, 25 at the time of filming, does look spectacular in her skimpy outfits, so at least there’s that. But I digress.)

Conservatives exhibit a repeated failure to comprehend basic facts. Take Mitt Romney. Please. This mechanical effluvium is high-functioning enough to screw people out of jobs but is so obtuse that on a tour of China (when he was with Bain Capital and considering purchasing one of that country’s slave labor “factories”) he thought that slave laborers were “dedicated to their work” and that barbed wire fences around their work camps were there to “keep people away from these good jobs.”

Forget Romney’s continual lying; set aside his inane or insane statements (“The trees are the right height” in Michigan; “Corporations are people,” etc.); forgive his manipulation of tax loopholes and his disdain for half the people in the country — his moronic failure to recognize and be appalled by forced labor camps should disqualify him from holding public office.

The nutball brigade is vigorously smearing the Environmental Protection Agency’s closing of the carbon pollution loophole that has allowed coal-fueled electric plants to pour contamination into the world’s atmosphere for years. On the one side are decent people. On the other side are polluters who are contributing to lung cancer, heart disease, and asthma, not to mention global climate change. And the conservatives are standing firmly on the side of spreading more cancer.


As this is being written, the rightwing distortion machine is in full tilt mode about five Guantanamo detainees being traded for the return of our lone Bush War II prisoner. One teeny-tiny detail overlooked in the bizarro world of conservatives is that we would soon have had to release those five fanatics anyway (the war is ending, remember?) And BTW, what part of “The US leaves no one behind” is so very difficult for you to comprehend?

Recently, I was asked to contribute a brief (up to 500 word) monologue to be part of a play called USA vs. TheWorld.  This is my first draft so far:

“My friends, through my veins runs a deep and everlasting love! A love of the United States of America, a love of that most sacred of documents, the Holy Bible, a love of that other most sacred of documents, the Constitution that God wrote through the pens of our founding fathers, and a love for unrestricted guns and ammo that enable us to pretend to defend them from all enemies both real and imagined! All of this is a manifestation of love. For example, I love women, with their dedication to the cooking and cleaning and raising the children. And I love our immigrants, the legal ones, the taxpaying ones, the ones that behave themselves. I love voters, just as long as they can find several different and preferably expensive and time-consuming ways to prove they actually are voters. I love the sweet little baby Jesus, say Hallelujah! And I resent it like hellfire whenever anyone points out that his teachings are similar to what liberals, progressives, and Democrats want. Boy do I hate that. But mostly I am filled, my friends, with love. I love everybody. Why, I even love the nig- I mean the urban citizens of our country. And even the illegals. You know I love them — each and every one of the millions of them… millions and millions of them — I love them as long as I can keep all of the little buggers in my sights, if you know what I mean. But lately, I am under attack. We are all under attack. Yes, yes, my friends, it’s true. But notice that we are also on the attack back! We republicans are attacking in every direction. Why, we are using legislation. We are using obfuscation! And we are using prevarication. We are blessed with our lifeblood of Koch brothers and DeVos family funding, and with our ALEC members who save us from actually having to write — or even understand — any of that complicated legislation. Together, we are succeeding with our efforts at voter suppression. And with our ensuring that many people lack voter I.D. And with our constant spouting of disinformation and misinformation. Yes, my friends, by using the Goebbels and Luntz techniques, we can make any lie seem almost palatable! Now, you put all of that together with a ton of apathy and ignorance among the general population and I know we shall prevail! Gentlemen, I hope you will join me in waving the flag, wearing a flag lapel pin, and speachifying all of this with head held high above all those annoying facts of science, research, technology, data, and decency. And so, join with me now in proudly stating that we represent today’s conservative. Lift your voices and repeat after me, I am a Republican and people love me, I am a Republican and people love me, I am a Republican and people love me! Thank you and God bless.”

Hope you enjoyed that speech. You’ll notice that it’s the only rightwing nutjob discourse in recent history that contains any reality. But the lack of veracity in GOP rhetoric doesn’t matter considering who votes for conservative candidates: the selfish; the mentally challenged; conspiracy nutjobs; quislings and traitors; greedwhores; rage-a-holics; and racists. My-oh-my, a whole shipload of racists.

With their continuous attempts to subvert the American ideals of fairness, equality, justice, and simple fact-based truth, we must come to the sad conclusion that conservatives and their agents in the Republican Party are Americans in name only. And with their constant need to wrap themselves in the flag, they are PINO — Patriots in Name Only.

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This opinion piece is Copr. © 2014 by John Scott G and originally published on – a publication of Neotrope® – all commercial and reprint rights reserved. Illustrations by and © JSG. Read more from JSG at: .