GOP Presidential Campaign Slogans 2015

The clown car carnival is upon us! Yes, the brigade of braggarts hoping for the GOP presidential nomination is swarming across the country (or at least the states with Republican primaries). It appears that many of the buffoons have not yet formulated their campaign slogans. We’re here to help.

Since the average voter is decidedly below average in intelligence, it behooves the candidates and their highly-paid advisors to develop simple slogans that differentiate one clown from another.

Some of the GOP goon squads are making an attempt to do this but few have been successful so far. Therefore, the good folks at GOP Outfitters have stepped up with posters, buttons, badges, and bumper stickers with a pithy on-point statement for each of the yahoos.

And just as you suspected would happen, we are pleased to have alphabetized them and herewith present them for your edification. You’re welcome!

John Bolton:

“Vote for me you damned pipsqueaks!”

Jeb Bush:

“Can so too walk and chew gum at the same time.”

Ben Carson:

“Uncle Ben is Uncle Tom.”

Chris Christie:

“Bringing Roadblock to Gridlock.”

Bob Corker:

“Literacy tests ain’t never proved nuthin’.”

Ted Cruz:

“American Taliban is Cruzin’ to Victory!”

Mitch Daniels:

“Rhymes with bitch spaniels.”

Bob Ehrlich:

“No bigger sellout to business.”

Jack Fellure:

“It’s not who you know, it’s who you don’t know.”

Carly Fiorina:

“She can do to America what she did to H-P.”

Jim Gilmore:

“The quieter egomaniac.”

Lindsey Graham:

“The most FABULOUS closeted candidate.”

Mike Huckabee:

“The other fat fuck.”

Bobby Jindal:

“Exorcisms for Everybody!”

John Kasich:

“Unknown. Unbalanced. Unelectable.”

Peter King:

“Related to Stephen only in terms of the horror.”

Susana Martinez:

“Rumored to have actual lady parts.”

Sarah Palin:

“Put me in 1400 Pennsylvania Avenue.”

George Pataki:

“A person, not a mid-East side dish.”

Rand Paul:

“The Bright Shining Face of Crazy.”

Mike Pence:

“Governor of a great flyover state.”

Rick Perry:

“Who hasn’t had an oops?”

Marco Rubio:

“Firmly on both sides of all issues.”

Paul Ryan:

“The thinking man’s hypocrite.”

Rick Santorum:

“Hom-Skoolled & Hellfire Ready!”

Rick Scott:

“Not nearly as snake-like as you think.”

Rick Snyder:

“The Republican who’s snider.”

Donald Trump:

“Every day is bad-hair-day.”

Scott Walker:

“Things go better with Koch.”

And, for every GOP Candidate:

“Remember: the (R) is for Racist.”


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This opinion piece is Copr. © 2015 by John Scott G and originally published on – a publication of Neotrope® – all commercial and reprint rights reserved. Illustrations by and © JSG. Opinions expressed are solely those of the author.

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