The clown car carnival is upon us! Yes, the brigade of braggarts hoping for the GOP presidential nomination is swarming across the country (or at least the states with Republican primaries). It appears that many of the buffoons have not yet formulated their campaign slogans. We’re here to help.
Since the average voter is decidedly below average in intelligence, it behooves the candidates and their highly-paid advisors to develop simple slogans that differentiate one clown from another.
Some of the GOP goon squads are making an attempt to do this but few have been successful so far. Therefore, the good folks at GOP Outfitters have stepped up with posters, buttons, badges, and bumper stickers with a pithy on-point statement for each of the yahoos.
And just as you suspected would happen, we are pleased to have alphabetized them and herewith present them for your edification. You’re welcome!
“Vote for me you damned pipsqueaks!”
“Can so too walk and chew gum at the same time.”
“Uncle Ben is Uncle Tom.”
“Bringing Roadblock to Gridlock.”
“Literacy tests ain’t never proved nuthin’.”
“American Taliban is Cruzin’ to Victory!”
“Rhymes with bitch spaniels.”
“No bigger sellout to business.”
“It’s not who you know, it’s who you don’t know.”
“She can do to America what she did to H-P.”
“The quieter egomaniac.”
“The most FABULOUS closeted candidate.”
“The other fat fuck.”
“Exorcisms for Everybody!”
“Unknown. Unbalanced. Unelectable.”
“Related to Stephen only in terms of the horror.”
“Rumored to have actual lady parts.”
“Put me in 1400 Pennsylvania Avenue.”
“A person, not a mid-East side dish.”
“The Bright Shining Face of Crazy.”
“Governor of a great flyover state.”
“Who hasn’t had an oops?”
“Firmly on both sides of all issues.”
“The thinking man’s hypocrite.”
“Hom-Skoolled & Hellfire Ready!”
“Not nearly as snake-like as you think.”
“The Republican who’s snider.”
“Every day is bad-hair-day.”
“Things go better with Koch.”
And, for every GOP Candidate:
“Remember: the (R) is for Racist.”
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This opinion piece is Copr. © 2015 by John Scott G and originally published on eNewsChannels.com – a publication of Neotrope® – all commercial and reprint rights reserved. Illustrations by and © JSG. Opinions expressed are solely those of the author.
Read more from JSG at: https://enewschannels.com/author/scott-g-the-g-man/ .
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