Pro vs. Con

What do normal, decent people believe? By comparison, what do conservatives believe? As anyone with an I.Q. above 80 knows, it’s a matter of fact versus fiction, truth versus lies, reality versus cloud-cuckoo-land. Come with us now as we compare and contrast the understanding of progressives versus the wish-upon-a-black-hole beliefs of conservatives.


1) Equality

Progressives know that the foundation of America is equality.

Conservatives believe that the foundation of America was the 1626 business transaction in which the island of Manhattan was purchased.


2) Income Inequality

Progressives know that income inequality can be disastrous to a nation’s well-being.

Conservatives may or may not know this but they simply don’t care.


3) Education

Progressives know that education is crucial for the future of the nation.

Conserv’tives buhleeve thet home skullin is a God-givin rite fer God-fearin Murikens.


4) Benghazi

Progressives know that congressional republicans blocked necessary increases in embassy security prior to the attack on our embassy in Benghazi.

Conservatives believe there are political points to be scored by screaming about the four Americans killed in Benghazi while ignoring their party’s culpability in those murders.


5) Science

Progressives recognize and respect science.

Conservatives believe in campfire tales from antiquity.


6) Climate Change

Progressives recognize that climate change is real.

Conservatives believe there’s a debate about climate change because the warning data from 97% of scientists miraculously equals the uncertainty of 3% of scientists.


7) Healthcare

Progressives understand that healthcare services for an entire population is a basic right in any enlightened society.

Conservatives believe that large corporations should be able to make a buck off of the sick even if it destroys the fabric of society.


8) Misogyny

Progressives accept that male and female people are inherently equal.

Conservatives believe Man > Woman and so they must make decisions for her. (Note: conservatives, not believing in math, will probably be unable to read the middle part of that sentence.)


9) Homophobia

Progressives accept that straight, lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people are inherently equal.

Conservatives believe Straight > Anything Else and so they must think for them while suppressing their rights.


10) Plutocracy

Progressives accept that people of means and people who are struggling are inherently equal.

Conservatives believe that moneyed interests should rule and if you’re not a corporation or a trust-fund baby you should STFU.


11) Theocracy

Progressives know it is vital to maintain a wall between religiosity and government.

Conservatives blather about “Sharia law” while wanting to turn legislatures into Christian cults. (Conservatives lack a sense of irony.)


12) Racism

Progressives raise their children to accept various races, cultures, and ethnic groups.

Conservatives believe themselves to be some sort of “great white hope” and view non-Caucasian people as “foreign” and “other.”


13) Student Debt

Progressives recognize that having interest rates for student loans higher than on corporate loans is onerous and unjust.

Conservatives believe that “onerous” means “oneness” and that “unjust” means “free market.”


14) Offshoring Jobs

Progressives know that allowing American corporations to send jobs overseas is traitorous.

Conservatives believe that wearing American flag lapel pins absolves them of their treason.


15) Corporate Tax Evasion

Progressives know that allowing corporations to evade paying their fair share of taxes is bad policy as well as a traitorous act.

Conservatives call corporations “job creators” and absolve them of all responsibility for indecent behavior (unless it harms conservatives and then they squeal like livestock in the type of unregulated holding pens that conservatives say are fine ‘n’ dandy).


16) Voter Suppression

Progressives know that extending the vote to all U.S. citizens is imperative for a democracy.

Conservatives embrace voter suppression as a legitimate campaign tactic.


17) Marriage Equality

Progressives know that equality in marriage is a right that should be upheld by law.

Conservatives believe that brides can be bought, used, raped, sold — oh wait, that was the biblical view — but hey, gay marriage somehow demeans Rush Limbaugh’s fourth marriage and therefore must be stopped!


18) Gun Laws

Progressives look at more enlightened nations and see effective violence-control (read gun control) measures.

Conservatives believe that the death rate in America is just fine as long as the gun manufacturers are making a pile o’ cash.


19) Lying the USA into War

Progressives recognize that George Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld and many others in the Bush administration are war criminals.

Conservatives believe most places on earth deserve a USA bombing run, missile attack, or military incursion as long as it brings profits to the defense industry. Not to mention the burial industry.


20) GOP Spokesmen

Progressives know that rightwing nutjob radio is a dung heap of filth and bile that is befouling the public airwaves.

Conservatives believe that befouling the public airwaves is a legitimate tactic to confuse low-information voters.


There is a partial list. Please feel free to post additional comparisons between intelligent people and conservatives. (RWNJDBs are welcome to post responses, too, but just be aware we will mock your spelling as well as decrying your perfidy.)

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This opinion piece is Copr. © 2014 by John Scott G and originally published on – a publication of Neotrope® – all commercial and reprint rights reserved. Illustrations by and © JSG. Opinions expressed are solely those of the author.

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