Article: Homeschooling: Is it Right for Your Kids

Let’s say you are a moron and a member of the treason party. Oh I’m sorry, let me make that easier to understand: Let’s say you are a republican. And let’s say you want to indoctrinate your progeny in private. Oops, sorry again, I mean: Let’s say you want to homeschool your kids. Are you ready for the challenge?

Homeschooling is a tough job that takes plenty of time and dedication, but the opportunity to exert total control over the intellectual, moral, and psychological development of your child is too tempting to pass up, especially for people who are inclined to be douchebags.

Acting as “big brother,” “fearless leader,” and “chief high exalted poohbah” all rolled into one gives you the false sense that you are big and important.  You feel all a-tingle that homeschooling will enable you to totally clamp down on the social and sexual activities of your offspring. (You are wrong about this unless your kids are as mentally challenged as you are, but that’s another story.)

Homeschooling: Is it Right for Your KidsPerhaps by now you are drooling at the thought of assuming your role as supreme patriarch/matriarch of your family. All righty then, we can tell that you’re highly motivated but let’s see if you’re really up to the task. Take this handy-dandy test and the results should help you decide whether or not homeschooling is one way you want to contribute to the dumbing-down of America.


1. The science portion of a school curriculum should consist of:

a) Physics, Biology, Chemistry, Astronomy, Botany, Zoology.

b) The interrelationships of science and how such things as the “Theory of Relativity” and the “Theory of Evolution” have now been proven.

c) The book of Genesis.


2. The mathematics portion of a school curriculum should consist of:

a) Algebra.

b) Geometry.

c) Taxes must be cut for the wealthy.


3. When meeting someone from another race or ethnic group, you:

a) Appreciate the tremendous diversity of the United States of America.

b) Consider that humanity is one and so you welcome them in your heart the same as with any other person.

c) Break out in a cold sweat.


4. Upon learning that someone in the neighborhood might be a homosexual, you:

a) Say, “And your point is…?”

b) Shrug your shoulders and get back to your own life.

c) Freak out and cry aloud “How can my own dysfunctional marriage long endure when faced with this hideous oppression from the gay agenda?”


5. When a woman expresses an opinion, you:

a) React the same way as with any other sentient being.

b) Respond with points that are relevant to her statement.

c) Gently but firmly point out to her that the Constitution, which after all is just another part of the Bible, clearly states that “all MEN are created equal,” so STFU.


6. In an overview of cultures and faiths in the world, it is important to discuss:

a) Tolerance for divergent points of view.

b) The tenets that major religions have in common.

c) Non-Christians burn in hell.


7. Economics is an important subject because:

a) It is the monetary foundation for civilization.

b) The application of sound fiduciary practice is a steadying influence on society at large.

c) The rich need to keep more of everything.


8. Philosophy is important because:

a) It lets you consider the essential nature of knowledge, reality, and existence.

b) It challenges the mind.

c) Abortion is murder.


9. Arts and literature are important because:

a) They are signposts about the state of culture on earth.

b) They point the way toward non-conventional modes of thought regarding the world around us.

c) None of that stuff is important although we do have several highly-colored photo-realistic depictions of the Life of Jebus on the walls of our trailer.


10. Comparing democracy, socialism, democratic-socialism, Fascism, and totalitarianism is valuable because:

a) It reveals the benefits of combining the representative government of democracy with the humanistic principles of socialism.

b) It points the way to a rejection of political parties like the GOP which seek to undermine the basic principles of the United States.

c) We’re the greatest country in the history of the universe and all others must be attacked militarily with wars that are not funded (see #7, above).


11. Knowledge of history is valuable because:

a) Those who do not know the past are doomed to repeat it.

b) An understanding of previous civilizations can help us in making complex decisions regarding our own society.

c) Hitler was a leftist.


12. The goal of education is:

a) Instilling the knowledge of how to learn.

b) Providing each person with the tools for determining answers to a lifelong series of decisions.

c) To make sure the little bastards obey.



You get ten points for every A or B answer and one point for every C answer. If you scored 12, congratulations! You are ready to homeschool your children. (Of course, in an enlightened society, child protective services would remove you as unfit parents, but that’s another story.)


This opinion piece is Copr. © 2013 by John Scott G and originally published on – all commercial and reprint rights reserved. “Skulled” button illustration is Copr. © 2013 by JSG. Read more from JSG at: .